Term Baby!

I'm catching up on some events from the past week. On Saturday we celebrated Liam's term due date. Although due dates become irrelevant and quicly forgotten for most babies born full term (who cares whether you were born four days early or late? My mom can't even remember my original due date). But for preemies they are a big event. That's because a number of developmental milestones are dated from the preemie's due date, not their actual birthday.

We celebrated little Liam's due date in style. Terry made pancakes for me and my mom. We discussed making them in the shape of hearts, but then decided little round pancakes for being "zero" was just right.

I sang little songs to him about how he's "zero days old, you're zero days old, you're zero days ooooolld."

It was a fairly nice day outside, and we always try to take him for walks whenever the weather is remotely good enough to do so. So we bundled him up, put on the new hat that Lynn knit for him, and out we went.








After our walk, someone is happy and all tuckered out.

New Pictures

Sleepy chubby cheeks

Sorry I forgot to rotate this photo before putting it up.

PS: The sack of potatoes problem

I should have mentioned this in the previous post, but even low grade sleep deprivation makes one forget things. One of the biggest questions we had for the doctor at the appointment, in addition to evalating this whole pumping/milk thing, was about what development trajectory we can expect for Liam. What things follow chronological (born 1/30) age and what follow developmental (due 3/14) age?

And the good news and bad news is that this whole first six weeks of being a lovely but demanding sack of potatoes, was all just a sort of more exhausting third trimester. Although he is chronologically more than a month old, the fun things that come in the second month, like social smiling, is all neurological. And the neurological developmental milestones all follow developmental age. So while we've spent more than a month exhausting ourselves in helping to meet all his little demands, we are looking to have at least another four weeks with the demanding little sack of potatoes before we start getting into some of those more rewarding behaviors and more organized days and nights.

Not that there arent rewarding things about the current sack of potatoes phase. He has little inner smiles, where he smiles in his sleep or with his eyes closed. This has nothing to do with trying to engage us. But I like to think it reflects an inner state of rightness in his world that is an indirect compliment to our care. And those few moments of quiet wakefulness where he looks around are just awesome and wonderful.

So we'll breathe deeply, and look forward to celebrating his due date this Saturday. After that we'll start progressing towards those fun and rewarding developmental milestones.

1 month "well baby" Pediatrician visit

We went yesterday for our scheduled one month check up with the Pediatrician, Dr. Andy. I was worn out like crazy from a few sleepless nights, so I must have looked rough because Dr Andy took pity on us and engaged in a very long visit where he answered all our questions both with medical knowledge and compassion.

Thanks to everyone who wrote after my last few posts to say that it was okay if I decided to stop pumping. I think we are going to begin phasing the pumping out soon, and just the idea of phasing out gives me an incredibly perky out look on life.

The update on the stats of the baby look great. At his first appointment, fresh from the NICU on 2/17, he weighed 5 lbs 9 ounces and was 19.25 inches long. Yesterday he was 21 inches long and weighed 8 lbs 3 ounces. The doc was very pleased with his growth, because he is not just following his percentile curve, but he is gaining on his percentile curve for all three measures (head circumference, weight, and height). He remains farthest ahead on height. Even though he was a preemie, on height he is in the 10% percentile of all kids born a month ago. So he's doing pretty good there. If you look at his "adjusted" stats on height, he'd be in the 75-90th percentile range.

Brief Update

Yesterday I wore real people jeans for the first time since the birth. It wasnt so much that my size prevented me from wearing them earlier, although I suppose I don't really know. It was just that psychologically I wasnt ready to be back in non-pregnant clothes. That may seem odd since it feels like every woman who gives birth is eager to be in prepregnancy clothes and body as soon as possible. But because I gave birth early, somehow every time I thought about putting on non preggo clothes it made me want to cry because it brought up all the unfinished emotion of what it meant to deliver him early. So it was sort of a turning of a corner when I realized yesterday that I was ready to at least try the jeans on, and lo, they fit. Now mind you, these are the "fat" jeans, one of the biggest pairs I own, and not the same as the jeans I was wearing at the start of last summer when I actually got pregnant.

In other news, the little man goes to the pediatrician today for his one month well baby checkup, although he's actually 5 weeks old already. So we'll know more about how he's growing, and hopefully answer the huge pile of questions I have.

Thanks to those who sent encouraging comments about pumping after the last post about how time consuming it is. Briefly: I have an anatomical deficiency that means I will never produce a full milk supply ("insufficient glandular tissue"). I have done everything in my power to maximize what gimpy supply I have, including: pumping within three hours of birth, pumping at least every 3 hours night and day, pumping up to 12 times a day, pumping up to 30 minutes a session, taking herbal supplements, and finally taking prescription medication to increase lactation. This last medication also happens to be a depressant that blocks dopamine in the brain, and while it doesnt seem to have affected me too badly, you can imagine how much fun that is when as a new mom one is already suffering the rigors of loss of prebaby identity, and sleep deprivation on par with Guantanamo Bay. So yes, we have to supplement. Yes pumping sucks but on top of my gimpy supply problems, our preemie baby has some nipple confusion from having to be fed via bottle in the NICU, having a weak premature suckle, and having a recessed chin and lower lip. So between the kiddo and I we have like six different things stacked against us when it comes to breast feeding. We try a little bit every day, and sometimes he stays on for a while, but he never gets very much. I will be going to a lactation/nursing support group at BeByBaby on mondays to see about advice on how to proceed. I want to give my baby the very best, and I know that is breastmilk, but right now the pumping is killing me.

Ok, must go. Baby is fussing up a storm, and I am surrounded by a mountain of insurance claims, some of which bear frightening numbers like "$85,230.10"

Happy Halfway Day!

Last friday our little guy officially turned one month old. He spent part of the day hanging out with Grammy Schultz, who read to him and rocked him and otherwise loved him up. Since then we have been working through the awesome library we got at our baby shower in Chicago. He has read "Hippos Go Berzerk" "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" "Are You My Mommy?" and is making nice progress through the first Harry Potter.

But the date I am really excited about celebrating is today. Today he has officially been home in our loving care for one day longer than he was ever in the NICU. That means a lot to me.

Last night to rescue me from the depths of sleep deprivation, Terry took the baby out of our bedroom and into his room, let him sleep in his crib while Terry slept on the couch next to him. Have I mentioned that Terry is pretty much the best husband in the world?

When I woke up this morning and saw the little guy, my first thought was "what did you do to him? Feed him steak?!" Because he looked so chubby. I mean full on tubby little baby cheeks and all. He has pretty much popped in the last 24 hours. Terry said it was like he's been working on his brain all these past days and then yesterday he decided to put some of those calories towards his little body. Wowza, amazing how fast they grow! I can't wait to see what he weighs at his doctor appointment next monday. Some of the newborn sized outfits that Terry had to run out to buy when he came home so we'd have something long sleeved and warm for him to sleep him now are quite snug on him, and he has pretty much outgrown all the preemie diapers we brought home with us. We are going to donate the rest of the preemie diapers to a friend of mine who teaches high school in my hometown and has a student with a small baby in need of some help. So at least they wont go to waste.

Last night Liam also had his first official major poo blowout. Terry was giving him a bottle while I slept blissfully unaware. Liam pooped so forcefully that he covered all of himself and at least some of Terry. Terry described it as a mudbath. Expect a blog post on it later.

We are also attempting our first family outing that isnt to the pediatrician. My computer updated software yesterday, and then when I tried to restart it it wouldnt start fully. Tried again this morning with the same results. So we have to go out to the Genius Bar at Old Orchard and see if they can fix it. We are busting out the stroller and I'm wearing a moby wrap just to cover all our bases on transporting the little pudge-bunny.

Wish us luck!

Gizmo versus the Gremlin

I am typing this one handed because after a trying night the little one is finally sleeping soundly kangaroo style on my chest. Last night I realized parenthood is an infinitely humbling experience. Had I written this post yesterday it would have sounded differently, more sunshine and confidence. I probably would have reported that after two weeks at home we were finally finding a groove where I wasn't so hopelessly horribly sleep deprived, that between me and terry sharing turns at nighttime parenting it was manageable.

And then last night struck and knocked me down a post or two.

Terry and I have developed a loving categorizing system for the little man's moods: gizmo or gremlin. Gizmo is cute and warm and cuddly. At night he falls asleep w/o much fuss after feedings and sleeps (even if only an hour or two) until the next feed. Gremlin is fussy, usually because he's working on a major poo or is farting up a storm (Liam will probably hate me one day for broadcasting that--mom you're so embarrassing!). On a great rare night he's all gizmo. On a good night you get a mix. Last night I got nothin' but gremlin.

But you probably need to understand more of the nighttime math to appreciate why last night brought me to my knees. Terry took first shift and fed him at midnight, so I got to sleep about 3 hours from when I fell asleep after pumping at 11 and when I awoke to Liam's fussing at 1:36am. I felt like a car wreck from waking out of deep sleep but I dutifully woke, reminded myself how much I love the little guy, and went to make a bottle. There wasnt enough breastmilk in the fridge, so I mixed up some formula and put it in that warmer. When it was done I went to check on him and he is still in his little newborn napper (Part of his pack n play where he sleeps in his own space in our room) but he is not fussing. I wait a while and then go to pump. Because sleep increases prolactin levels, which increases milk production, which means more time pumping before empty, I return after pumping for 25 minutes. He is still, somewhat irritatingly asleep. So I lay down in bed for 30 minutes or so until he becomes fussy again. Then I get up and reheat the bottle and feed him. The feeding takes about 30 minutes or so (20-45 is the distribution), plus a few minutes to change him. And all he wants to do is fuss and fuss. Dr Sear's book says that babies take 20 minutes to go from light sleep to heavy sleep, so I rock him and jiggle him and cuddle him in the rocking chair for 30 minutes, just to be on the safe side. Then I lay him down, where he rests for about 15 minutes and starts fussing.

And remember, all this while the clock on my need to pump has been counting as well. Because when I say he eats every 2-3 hours and I pump every 2-3 hours, that is from start of feeding or pumping to the next start. So even if I start feeding him at 1 am and he takes 45 minutes, he may want to eat again at 3 am, meaning that between feeding him for 45 minutes, changing him, pumping for 20 minutes, settling him for 30 minutes, I may only get to lay down for 15 minutes before he wants to do it all over again. And because I myself have to keep pumping, I can never lay down really for more than 3 hours.

So that's the math. That is what had me awake this morning from 1:30ish until 4:50ish when, just as I had finally started to fall asleep, he started fussing again. And I couldn't help myself. I had tears in my eyes (no sobbing though) and all I could say was "Please God I need you to sleep." And Terry got up to take him, but it didn't mean respite for me, I couldnt just lay there and go back to sleep, because I had to fricking pump. So up I went again to relieve the aching of needing to pump. And after a machine tugs on one's nipples for 20 minutes, you can't exactly drift immediately back into sleep. Or at least I can't.

Terry is usually snoring before his head hits the pillow. I am very envious.

So anyway, that is the story of how a gremlin night brought me to my knees. I've since gotten about an hour and thirty minute nap, thanks to Terry, so I feel somewhat more human again. Only somewhat though :).