He ain't heavy, he's my baby

Everyone warns you that the first few weeks of parenthood are a haze of crying and soothing and sleepless nights. But I suppose in some ways this is a sort of truth that must be lived to be understood. Because everyone also tells you that the pain of childbirth is too much to bear, but I didn't feel that way. It was incredibly intense, but it was never too much for me. But this not sleeping, constantly pumping milk, feeding, soothing only to get up and do it all over again? whew. That is a bit too much for me.

On one hand I suppose I can't complain too loudly. It isn't as though we have a kid who is inconsolable. Its just that the only way to console him is to hold him or let him sleep laying on you, and that means that I can only doze lightly myself.

But the Sears & Sears folks say all this holding is really good for babies, especially preemies. Sears & Sears have a library of parenting books that we are rapidly acquiring, including "The Pregnancy Book," "The Birth Book" and the biblically sized "The Baby Book." I also read "The Preemie Book" from the Prentice Library while in the NICU. I find their stuff easy to read, comforting, informative and fair. In other words, if they say it, its pretty much gospel to me until proven otherwise. So they say holding is great for a preemie because it helps "organize" their immature internal systems, improves breathing and heart rates, helps temperature regulation etc.

So it is nice to know that all this holding is actually doing something.

We took him to his first pediatrician appointment the Tuesday after we left the NICU, so about 48 hours after we were discharged. At that point he was 5 lbs 9 oz, which was about 4 oz over what he weighed when he left the NICU. They say that they hope for growth of about 1 oz per day, so he was putting on a hearty 2 oz per day. Go little man.

Well on monday of this week we became concerned that maybe his circumcision site wasnt healing up the way it was supposed to. The nurse in NICU had told us probably 4 days to heal, and at his first peds appointment the doctor we saw (Dr Ellwell) said 7 days to being totally healed. It wasn't totally healed and it looked a little funny, so we called in and spoke with Dr Andy. He told us to come in for our peace of mind and he'd look at it. Turns out everything is fine, just normal healing that can sometimes take a little longer because of being snugged up in a diaper all the time.

But Dr Andy also put Liam on the scale. He weighed a healthy 6 lbs 4 oz! Go little man!! That means he put on 11 oz in the 6 days since he had last been weighed, so he was continuing his trend of adding about 2 oz per day.

If he had been able to stay inside until his due date, most of what he'd be doing right now is packing on the fat to help him regulate his temperature and whatnot. So I was relieved and encouraged that all the careful loving we have been doing for him at home seems to be providing him a good environment to do the tough work of growing.

Go buddy go. Small but mighty, and growing.

One week at home

So yeah, digital photography might be an enabling technology. Because it is WAAAYYY too easy to take pictures of our little guy. That is, when we aren't sleeping or feeding or changing diapers.

Still in the car seat, all sleepy, just home from the hospital for the first time.

Not long after, having some daddy tummy time. This kangaroo care pose has rapidly become Liam's favorite place in the world.

MIDWEEK

Hello world. I'm awake!

Mmmm, tasty fingers.

Yeah, that's right. I've got cute feet.

7th DAY AT HOME

Grandma and Grandpa Schultz visited me today, and they wanted me to be all cuddly, so they wrapped me up in this big fleece blanket. And then I slept really well.

Holding mommy's hand.

Yeah, that's my little smile. I reserve it for special occasions. Like pooping.

What do you tink Franz? Am I beautiful? Yes dah-ling, I am beautiful.

Feeding time with Daddy...




Finally, this afternoon Liam was practicing his tough guy moves with his little thug hat on. Eat your heart out.

You talkin' bout my double chin?

I'd like to give a shout out to all my peeps.

Amateurs. I can't work with these amateurs. I'm outie.

Yo yo yo. Wuzzup?

Pbblllttt.

Wisconsin Baby Shower

The initial date set for our Wisconsin baby shower was Feb 7th. When our little guy decided to come early we decided we'd better keep that date so we could do the shower before he came home. With help from my family, my mom put together a delicious lunch spread (including my step mom Brenda's famous crab salad and some killer cupcakes from Aunt Joan). The tables were decorated with bright spring flowers, little blue "its a boy" Hershey's kisses, and bottles filled with candies. My Aunt Joan generously got shower prizes and helped out with the games. It was a wonderful time getting to see everyone, and spend a little time away from the stresses of the NICU with friends and family. And thanks to everyone's generosity, we received many of the remaining things we had been trying to get together to prepare for Liam's homecoming.

My mom Vicki enjoying a cupcake with Aunt Julie.

Me giving a cloth diapering demo (with Aunt Lori looking on).

My mom Vicki displaying a tray of baby themed stuff. For the shower game people had to remember what was on the tray.

Grandama Jan (now GG Jan) amused by Liam's new toys.

My friend Alice knitted Liam an adorable hat and mittens appropriately Irish colored. She also took most of these shower pics!

A gorgeous 3D card from my step-mom Brenda.

Me with mom, Aunt Lori, Aunt Randi and GG Jan.

Mom and me with Aunt Julie and Cousin Kim.

Me thanking the hostess with the mostest my mom.

More Liam pictures from the professional shoot!

Mom and Liam


Hospital ankle bracelet


Holding dad's finger

On being in the parent club

It turns out that after having it come six weeks early, and then being forced to wait 16 days to have it, everything everything about parenthood is amazing. Probably because we had to wait, because of nights when it was all I could do not to cry "I want my baby!" now everything is a treasure.

I love that he doesnt want to sleep in his little arm's reach co-sleeper. He only wants to sleep laying kangaroo style on our chests. It is inconvenient as all get out, but it is so adorable of him. And it feels amazing to feel so wanted and important in his little life.

I even love the poopy diapers. I love trying to learn all his little signals so I can game the exact right moment to change him. Because changing him before a feeding is great because then he's all sleep after the feed, and changing him gets him all riled up. But inevitably then he poops while he's being fed. So then I wind up changing him twice.

I haven't had another blowout or leak since my first one in the NICU (although I'm sure the time will come) but I did have a hysterical little event where the stinker pooped on me in three diapers in a row. I found a poopy one, and started changing. As soon as I finished wiping his tush and removed the poopy diaper to fasten the clean diaper (waiting underneath the poopy one, as the nurses in the NICU showed us) he squirted poo all over the new diaper. So I laugh and start the process again, and go for a new clean diaper, which I have just barely gotten in place when, you guessed it, the little man squirted again, and this time with such force and caught me by surprise in mid-move, so I wound up with a handful of poo and even still it wound up all over his onesie. And truthfully I totally loved it, because it was like one more initiation into the club of parenthood, and after feeling denied these rites of passage for the last sixteen days, each one still makes me feel pretty happy. That may not continue forever, but for now.

Today he also had his first pediatric appointment. We picked one of the practices that was recommended to us by Prentice NICU folks. The doctor was really nice and patient with all our questions. She weighed him and on their scale he was five lbs nine ounces! Well done little man. While there may be some slight differences from scale to scale, he left the NICU about five lbs five or six ounces, so it means he's made above average gains with us these last two days. As weight seems to be the primary way people evaluate his health and developmental progress, it is nice to be assured that all this time at home (and all this continued kangaroo care) is helping him grow.

He's a pretty amazing little dude. Even if he still mostly sleeps, eats and poops. :)

Who needs Monday? Why not today?

Liam is HOME! After Friday's prediction of a Monday departure, when I visited the hospital on Saturday morning, they decided that Sunday was a grand idea. So, we just arrived home, Erin is in the middle of feeding him his first "home-warmed" meal, and we're settling in to our new existence as parents.

We also had some professional photos taken of him while still in the hospital (a service Prentice offers). They are AMAZING. See for yourself!











Liam, the young Jedi knight...

Monday?

So word from the NICU docs is--assuming that he has no bradys and he continues to make good progress on his weight and his milk consumption--that they want to discharge Liam on Monday. We are excited now that he has a tentative release date, but also nervous that something will happen and that Liam won't be able to come home with us then (and nervous that we won't know what to do with ourselves once he gets here).

Not much other news...just lots of organizing/cleaning/rearranging the house this weekend. Woohoo!

Keep your fingers crossed...

News of the Liam

This morning they took the gavage out! Woohoo! So now he's completely on his own (eating, breathing, maintaining his own temperature) with no interventions except for the sensors monitoring his breathing and heartrate.

In other news, they did a scan of his heart to check on the progress of the two little holes. We'll get news of that tonight or tomorrow, so hopefully we'll learn that they are starting to close up.

Not much news beyond that. His last Brady was the 9th, so the earliest he could come home is saturday (although the doc's haven't talked with us about a timetable yet, so we'll see).

Liam Pictures Day 12

So Liam is starting to figure out this whole bottle thing.  Last night at 10pm I was able to get him to take an entire feeding by bottle for the first time, then through the night he ate every batch of milk entirely by bottle, and then this afternoon he took an entire bottle from Erin.  So this is all great news/progress.  When he can consistently eat by bottle, away goes the gavage.  

For many reasons, feeding time is the best time of day.  For one thing, he is alert and checking us out.  But mainly it is because of moments like this one:

The Burping Face.  So Liam is at his most hysterical when burping. Just as we lean him forward, he knows what time it is, so he starts making the cutest throat clearing sound...

eh, eh-eh, eh, eh, eh-eh-eh, eh-eh...BELCH!  

Erin says he sounds like a little machine gun, like when kids mold their fingers into a gun and provide eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh sound effects.  We'll have to record it and put it up on the blog.  Laugh riots will surely ensue.

This picture is of his burping face.  He scruntches his face up, does the Popeye look, and gets down to business.  When he's done, he gets back to his usual adorable self, sometimes after pulling back and looking around the room.  Burping time is the best part of the day. 

My post yesterday mentioned how cute he was sleeping gape-mouthed...

So here they both were crashed out on the NICU recliner, sleeping the afternoon away.  Adorable!

In other news, Liam is .5 ounces over his birth weight.  And I can't remember the last time he had a brady (though it was within the last 5 days).  All signs point to ass kicking!

Liam Update

The news: Liam has been off his IV fluids for a day with stable sugar levels, so this morning they removed his central IV line. All he has left are his stomach gavage and his sensors! Erin was particularly excited about the fact that we can start putting him in clothes from home now that the IV line is out. Woohoo!

I'm just here in the NICU, watching Erin and Liam sleep (with is mouth gaping wide open) on Erin's chest. It is the best! I'll try to post a picture of this scene tomorrow...

Socks, Bottles, and Binkies oh my!

Iron fisted Binky grip!

Mom feeding him a bottle!

Look at those eyes...

Daddy time

Liam's First Socks

Sleepy...

Even more sleepy.

Day 9: Doing Great

Yesterday I was away from little Liam all day. It was my first full day without seeing him at all, which was hard. But Terry was with him, and that was incredibly comforting. In fact, in the Preemies book I checked out from the hospital library, it said that preemies whose Fathers spend more time with them are more likely to be released earlier, to have better respiratory health, and fewer health issues over the next two years of life, even controlling for their initial health and family socioeconomic status. So go Daddy time!

I took the Metra up to Wisconsin for a baby shower my mom and stepmom threw for us. It had always been scheduled for Feb 7th, and although it was more of a birthday party for the little guy (since he decided to crash his own shower) it seemed to make sense to go forward with the shower before it was time for him to come home, when we'll be more restricted.

But it is so so good to be back and see the little man today. We got here for his 10 AM feeding. We tried to breastfeed him again, and although he seemed to get some good latches and whatnot going, when the nurse checked the contents of his tummy it looked like he didn't get much. So we keep trying, he and I together, to learn.

But the other great news is that he is another day free of any Bradys or Apneas. He's doing great on his feeding, so today he's up to 35mL. That means if all goes well tomorrow he will be on "full feeds" of 40mL and they will begin the process of removing the IV from his arm. One less tube attached to him! woohoo!

The nurse told us that he took all three of his night feedings entirely by bottle, which is an awesome improvement. Before he can go home he has to be able to be on full feeds and taking it all by mouth (breast or bottle or a combo of both).

So while we still don't know anything about when he will be going home, everything is moving in the right directions. Yay!

Making Progress

So, Liam is still off the oxygen, still off the blue light, and he's starting to make progress eating on his own. They bumped him to 30cc's of milk (about one ounce). Before he leaves he needs to be taking 40cc's by mouth (rather than feeding tube). Today at 10am, he took 15cc's by bottle, the rest by feeding tube. As he figures out the bottle and the breast he'll take more and more...once he's got his feeding sorted out, he'll be almost home!

Lots of hiccups today...it is probably too soon for my solution of a spoonful of sugar (not just for helping medicine go down anymore!)

We'll probably post some more pictures later tonight or tomorrow!

Day 7: Goodbye Bradys, Goodbye Giraffe, Hello Burrito!

Today Liam is one week old. That seems pretty amazing. Time has certainly flown by. And today was a great way to celebrate his one weeker: more good news. He was off his respiratory support all day yesterday (the "nasal canula") but they left the white tape that secures the canula to his face just in case he needed it again. Today they decided bye-bye canula, so the tape (what I have been lovingly calling his "milk mustache") is gone.

He hasn't had any long duration Bradys for three days, and he hasnt had even the slightest Brady at all in the last 24 hours. The Preemie book I was reading last night said that sometime between 34 and 35 weeks the Bradys usually go away on their own and go away for good. So fingers crossed that our little man has permenantly left them behind. No matter how much the nurses assure me that bradys are expected for a preemie, I still don't like them. There is something awful about your son's heart rate dropping.

I got another nice surprise when I showed up today: he was no longer in his "giraffe" warming bed. They had it off all day yesterday to check to see if he was maintaining his own temperature, and he did well all day, so today he moved from the giraffe warming bed into a regular ole crib. Holding his temperature in a regular crib is one of the milestones he has to achieve before he can go home, so that's awesome.

So that means also that instead of being all naked w/diaper, he is now wrapped in a too-big shirt (really? why is it so big I wonder, because he's a good size for a preemie) and socks! Cute little fuzzy blue socks. I don't know why I was so smitten with the sight of his little socks, but I suppose it is just another first ("Oh buddy! your first little socks!") for me to gush and adore. I tried to pretend like I wasn't going to be one of those gushy mothers, and who was I kidding? I gush like crazy.

Now that he's not on the warmer we are also trying to swaddle him a little, both to help him maintain his body heat and to comfort him. So I arrived today to find a Liam Burrito. Adorable.

I held him while we fed him by gavage tube at 10, then he slept against me kangaroo care style for the next three hours. Having learned that this requires some endurance on my part, today I had a giant oatmeal breakfast with added protein, and then I ate a yogurt and a high fiber bar right before coming into the NICU. I held him from 10 to 1 (he eats and gets his stats taken every 3 hours), at 1 I changed him and the nurse let me be the one to take his temperature. When I changed him at 10 I hadn't put the diaper on snug enough, so about ten minutes later while holding him skin to skin I was peed on. Worth a good laugh. But when I changed it at 1 I learned from my earlier mistake and snugged it up.

At 1 he was awake and alert enough that we decided to try another nursing session. He's still not a trooper, and couldnt take all his nutrition that way, but each time we try he shows steady progress. So he tries to nurse for a while, I help him as much as possible, and then we feed him by gavage tube while he's at the breast so that he learns to associate suckling with the warm good feeling of being full.

And he's doing great on his feedings. He's up to 25 mL today, and so long as he keeps doing well he'll keep going up by 5 mL until he gets to 40 mL "full feedings" and then we can stop the IV entirely. At that point he'll just have to work on taking all his feedings by mouth (breast or bottle).

Hungry Little Dude. Second good day in a row.

So our little man had another pretty darn good day today. He has been steadily increasing in his feeding amount. They started him at 5 mL and now he's up to 20 mL. woohoo! When he gets to 40 mL in a feeding then they take the IV out and he's only on breastmilk. That is, if I can keep pumping enough to stay ahead of his little appetite. He even nursed for a while today before his feeding, and although he's little, he's a little trooper and he's trying.

His bradys (heart rate drops) have been decreasing in number and duration, which is excellent news. He has to go five straight days without any Bradys before he can go home, so we like to see positive progress.

His bilirubin levels yesterday (his first day off phototherapy) were up from 6.6 to 9.6. So we were thinking today he'd have to be back on the lights. But today when they tested his levels it was only 10.3, so the doctors decided to watch and see what the levels do tomorrow. Hopefully our little guy has turned the corner and the levels will start to go down on their own.

In another positive improvement, his next door neighbor was quite a screamer, and that baby went home today so our little man has a slightly more calm environment in which to do the hard work of growing.

And today I did three hours of kangaroo care with him. It was totally amazing. Although it is decidedly less convenient than doing it at home. Because premies can't tolerate too much stimulation, you can't just move them around as much as you like. So once they are settled, you can have them for as long as they do well. But lets say you, for example, are starving and have to pee like crazy? well then you have to decide whether you want more time with your kid, or if you want to answer the call of nature. Because you have to give up one to have the other. So naturally I ignored the rumbly tummy and just kept cuddling our little man.

Yesterday I also checked out a book from the hospital's library on premies. I suppose it is the grad student in me, but knowledge is a soothing thing. And I had been doing all this reading on pregnancy (you know, the kind that goes to 40 weeks) and babies (also the kind that grew to 40 weeks) and breastfeeding (a kid who was 40 weeks developed) and a whole lot of that well intentioned preparation went straight out the window when the rules of the game got changed. So now reading about premies. And the big thing I learned last night was about not over stimulating them. Keeping noise levels low, lights low. Light touches like we are instinctively inclined to give term babies is too much stimulation for premies and upsets them. They find firm, somewhat confining touches comforting, so resting a hand on their rump or head is comforting, stroking is too much.

Liam Day 7!

For now, Liam is off his nasal cannula! So far he's breathing well off the support and we're hopeful that he's off breathing support permanently. In other news, Liam's consumption of breast milk is up again today from 15cc's to 20cc's. Slowly but surely he's getting used to bottle feeding and Erin's making progress getting him used to the breast. We don't know when they'll take out the gavage (feeding tube), but at least he's making progress towards that day. Everyday he gets more and more kangaroo care time, which has served him very well. When he's on our chests, his breathing evens out and his general state of chillness becomes that much more chill. He's awesome.

They just tested his bilirubin level. The results should come back this afternoon. The docs may put him back on the blue light if his jaundice is back on the rise. In many respects, that is the least worrisome intervention. He keeps having the "brady" spells where his heartrate drops (he had two small ones last night), but they seem to be shorter and less frequent. He's working his way out of them slowly but surely. They won't let him out of the hospital until he has five days straight without a brady, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that he is moving out of that phase.

In general, all is well!

A good day in the NICU

Today so far (knock on wood) has been a good day for our little man. He made some good strides forward, and no steps backward (yet today, and hopefully it stays that way). We are still trying to get adjusted to the idea that in the NICU it is normal to expect one step forward, one step backward. That a good day may mean two steps forward and only one back. But today it was slow and steady forward progress.

He is doing super well on his feedings, which is one of the measures they use to assess when he is able to go home. He has to get up to "full feedings" which is 40 mL at a feeding, every three hours. He was on 5 mL per feeding, and now he's up to 10 mL and doing really well with no "residuals" (nothing left over undigested in the tummy when it is time for the next feeding). So if he keeps that up the doctors have said he will more or less go up by 5 mL per day.

Today he had his first ever bottle! Woohoo! He took the whole amount for his feeding by mouth, which is a big accomplishment for the little guy, who until this point has been fed by nasogastric tube (tube straight into his tummy). He will still take feedings by tube so we don't over tax him, but so long as he does well with it, he will keep building up the proportion of feedings he takes by mouth.

The last couple days we have also experimented with little breastfeeding sessions. Nothing major, not as a source of substantial nourishment, but for the little guy to learn how it works. He has done better than expected with it, which makes me hopeful that some day we will be able to transition him to 100% breastfeeding and I can stop all this incessant pumping. But however he eats, we are just happy he's eating.

Still no date fixed for his homecoming. We'd really appreciate it if you didn't ask. As you can imagine, this is a hard subject for us: it is very difficult to live with the uncertainty about something that is so eagerly anticipated. Rest assured that the minute we are given an estimated date for his homecoming, we will broadcast it loud and clear and with total joy.

Liam Day 5!

All,

Liam is doing great. He took his first bottle today and he's starting to figure out this breastfeeding thing (which is all difficult for a pre-term kid...he has to learn to suck, breathe, and swallow all in coordination...it is like conducting a symphony orchestra). He's been off the blue jaundice light for about a day now (though he might go back on) and he's enjoying more and more kangaroo time with me and Erin. When he's on our chests, he is always totally zonked out. It is the best.

Enjoy these photos from yesterday!
Terry




The pacifier as big as a head!


Sleepy...


Flipping the bird!


Bigfoot is found at Prentice Hospital!