16.5 weeks: belly, OBs and random things people say

I realize it has been a while since I posted on the blog. I really wanted this to be a more regular place where I could capture my shifting thoughts about everything. But I realize now that I have been stuck on trying to write the post about the ultrasound. Somehow it seems to defy my capacity to explain the experience in words. I find myself wanting to use all this saccharine language that is gooey and still seems to come short of actually describing what it felt like to see the baby for the first time. To see how completely formed it was all ready. Arms, legs, toes and a beautiful beating heart. Squirming around trying to get comfortable. At any rate, I am still working on that one (with Terry) but I want to keep the updates flowing anyway.

I'm solidly in the second trimester now, which books and women all seem to describe as a sort of pregnancy promised land. You get your energy back. you feel great, even amazing. Some people say they felt better in their second trimester of pregnancy than ever before in their lives. Needless to say, this sort of talk built my expectations up a bit. So I've been a little disappointed that I actually feel worse in the last four weeks than ever before during the first trimester. Still no actual morning sickness, no puking. So I have to be grateful for that. But I get pretty regular ill feelings that are like nothing I can compare to my pre-preggers life. I've taken to calling it "malaise." My stomach feels terrible without actually giving the sensation that I might puke. I feel woozy, like I might swoon all 19th Century style, so I tend to cling to whatever support I've got near me as unobtrusively as possible and wait for it to pass. It isn't debilitating and I'm still grateful the pregnancy has been so uneventful so far, but it certainly isn't me frolicking in the garden of eden.

Being 16 and a half weeks also means I am sort of solidly in the transition phase from "nobody can tell I'm pregnant" to "I'm obviously pregnant" but this in between stage just makes me look chubby. I've gained about 6 pounds since becoming pregnant, which seems to be within the normal range and somewhat on the low side. Still, all of it seems to be situated at my middle, so I have exactly one pair of pants that I can still wear. It is a absolutely beloved, twice-patched pair of stretchy Gap jeans that I first bought in my freshman year of college. They are like my own personal sisterhood of the traveling pants. They have grown with me over the years (yeah, I was skinnier when I started college, no shock there). And now they are that last stubborn friend standing by me as my chubby-looking-not-yet-rotund-Madonna belly conspires against my wardrobe.

I am kind of looking forward to the rotund Madonna belly phase, although I reserve the right to take that back when it comes (and probably gives me back pain).

Being nearly half way through has also given me cause to reflect on my OB. At first I thought maybe my expectations were too high, or that I was too sensitive. She is perfectly fine, but I do not feel enthusiastic or excited about her. I do not feel like eagerly recommending her to others. And at this point I have just talked to enough pregnant ladies who rave about how much they love their OBs that I realize I was sticking with a mediocre doc for no reason. So we are looking into changing into one of two other practices. One is a practice downtown that several friends have used and loved. It would also mean I was delivering downtown (ugh if I go into labor during rush hour) at Prentice (awesome brand new state of the art delivery area). The other is a midwife (awesome refs on this midwife. awesome a midwife is the actual person who attends your labor, no doc on call) who is part of a practice still up in Evanston (poss better location, although have heard not-great things about the OBs in her practice). So that will all be worked out in the next couple weeks. We have a visit to meet the downtown OB on monday an then tour Prentice.

Also, since we are increasingly out in the open about the pregnancy (although there are still a few close friends I need to call), I have finally been able to observe more widely people's response. And I have discovered there are two things almost everyone wants to find out about. Nearly everyone asks "Are you going to find out what it is?" To which I respond, "Yes" and don't always elaborate on my own reasons. Most people just smile and congratulate us, but a smaller number of people (usually older adults, especially people who gave birth before ultrasounds were common) get a little incredulous and try to convince me to be surprised. I think this is funny.

The other thing is something about half of people ask. Some come right out and ask it, others try to skirt the issue. "Was it intentional? was it planned?" I don't really mind this question, because my answer is "yes." But it surprised the heck out of me. I can't remember ever ever thinking to ask a pregnant woman if the pregnancy was planned. Something about it seems to imply that people would otherwise naturally assume it was not. Now I don't say this to offend you if you are one of the dozens of people who have asked me if it was planned. But I find it a totally fascinating phenomena.

It also makes me really think about a sociological study of pregnancy that I'm familiar with. A former professor looked at low income non-married pregnancies, and found that the question of whether it was an 'intentional' pregnancy was really complicated. In the end, they find that low income women are sensitive to the idea that people may judge them for having a child if they aren't financially secure, so it is risky to tell people that you got pregnant on purpose. But if they say it was an accident, then they get to look very responsible for "doing the right thing" and keeping the baby. Think of Palin's daughter and you get what I mean. If the campaign had announced that her unwed teenage daughter had intentionally decided to get pregnant there would have been uproar a la the pregnancy pact. But if she accidentally got knocked up but decided to keep the baby, she is being responsible in a tough situation.

So yes, in case you were curious, the baby was planned. An academic career never affords a perfect time to have a child. Later in life you have more money but less time as you race the pressures of the tenure clock. In graduate school you have more time, a more flexible schedule, and less money. But right now we are surrounded by an incredible support network of friends and family. It just seems like a wonderful time and place to bring a child into the world.