My mother-in-law Denyse, a super mom in her own right, got me a book called "After Birth" and it is a hysterical collection of stories from moms and dads about dealing with the less glorious sides of parenthood. Reading it frequently made me snort with laughter, and occasionally cry, and from time to time gasp and recognize myself in the story.
So in the interest of that, of full disclosure and breaking down the wall of perfect motherhood that weighs so heavily on us that we should all probably get free samples of prozac when we take these kiddos home from the hospital:
Today is a crappy mom day. I feel wimpy and insecure about the whole works. I am tired and sick and that doesn't help. I feel insecure that Liam still isn't crawling. He gets himself around now, doing little laps of the living room and occasionally venturing into the kitchen or dining room. But he pushes himself up on his arms or on all fours, checks out the terrain, and then flops down into rolling position and steam rolls himself wherever he wants to go.
And I feel deeply deeply insecure about this. Maybe it is all okay. Maybe a flood of better people than I will write in with comments telling me to chill out and not worry.
But it is hard to watch other kids pass him by. There is a January baby in his playgroup who has been crawling since he was 6 months old. When I first saw that I was startled but reminded myself that it was okay if he was early. Now all the other January babies are crawling, and one kid born at the end of February is both crawling competently and pulling herself up to a standing position. Meanwhile there sits Liam, good natured and smiling as his playmates wiz by around him. He sits. He goes onto all fours and rocks, and then he sits again. or he rolls. But scooting forward? Nah. Nothing doing.
At the last playgroup there was another baby who was born within days of Liam's due date who is not crawling exactly, but is scooting himself forward in a sort of military crawl.
Today we toured a montessori that accepts babies. My heart just aches to give him that opportunity. I can still remember with startling clarity what my montessori was like, and I only went there through first grade. The rest of elementary school is a blur, but I have tons of memories of Montessori. When we toured the preschool they have beads for counting and learning multiples that are the same things we had in my classroom growing up. it is just such a rich exploratory environment, and I truly believe it is the seeds of self motivated learning that are still with me today.
We were told chances are close to nothing that he will get in until about 2 years from now, but we're on the waiting list. The reason for this was in evidence: the other parents on our tours were women who looked scarcely pregnant. And it was the first taste of the effort to secure your schild every advantage. If I really wanted to get Liam into this Montessori I would have had to call to get on the waiting list as soon as I saw that second pink line on the pregnancy test. They actually told us that there is a better chance we could get our as-yet-imagined-nonexistent second child into the program before Liam gets in, and then Liam would have an advantage as a sibling of scooting up the waiting list. Sigh.
But when talking about the infant room and cruiser room and when they move, the director told us that they move when each child is ready. And then she told an anecdote where a third child with lots of siblings to carry him who never got any tummy time didn't crawl until he was 8 months old, so he was in the infant room until then. And my heart sank and I thought "oh please dont ask me if my big giant 18-month clothes wearing baby can crawl, because the answer is still no."
It isn't so much that I think he will never learn to crawl before he goes to college. Its more that in my heart I worry that his inability to figure it out reflects some deeper cognitive issue, and dredges up a host of sadness and guilt about his early birth that seems to be always available just beneath the surface. I just want him to be totally okay. I hope and believe this worry will go away, or diminish at least, but somehow I need more tangible evidence to banish it...like seeing him do linear algebra.
5 comments:
Oh, Erin. Don't worry. Liam will catch up. He is already doing so many things that mine our not even attempting (granted mine are even smaller). One tip from our physical therapist- to prevent the rolling and work on scooting/crawling forward you need to put one finger in the small of his back so he can't roll. Find a toy and/or object that draws his attention and put only that single object in front of him. We were making the mistake of putting a million toys in front of them and they lose focus of the one that they are trying to move towards. Is his seriously in 18 months clothes? We are still hanging out in the 3-6 month sizes.
Erinn,
Thanks so much for the tip from your physical therapist. We dont have the benefit of any tips for things we can do to help him except what I can scrounge up from the internet. I really appreciate the tip. I will give it a try tomorrow.
And yes, I am serious. Right now 18 month clothes fit him comfortably and the 12 month stuff is starting to look like little sausages. He was 24 lbs at his 8 month visit. Who knows, but someone sprinkled this kid with miracle gro. Your kiddos look like they are a great size and really developing well, and they had so much more to overcome than Liam did.
First, I really like the mom-onesty. We could all use some more of that. As far as crawling goes, I know many kids who never crawled, they skipped that step and went right on to standing up and walking. Kristian didn't crawl until nine months. I remember watching the other kids taking steps, and I was really worried about it. Then, all of a sudden one day he crawled, although, he needed a batch of crackers in front of him to incentivize him to move:) He also loved this toy mirror that rolled, and once he did get going on the crawling that toy was really useful for his skill building.
Talking to mom's I know here, and to parents we have met through day care, I find that everybody has these worries.
Erin, Davis was almost 10 months before he crawled, and he was a full-term baby. So please try not to worry! It will happen and then you will miss these times when he can just sit in one place. (I really do.) Seeing Liam in action makes me think you don't have anything cognitively to worry about. I mean, turning on the sink? That's cause and effect and very advanced. Also, he's a big baby-- big babies often take a lot longer to crawl, according to my dad.
And yes, the preschool/daycare stuff stinks, but something will work out well. Going into Montessori at 2 would be a great thing for him and I doubt he'd miss this very early time too much. Hang in there!
Berit, I love the crackers idea. I'm not sure it would work with Liam, because he still has zero interest in self feeding (although smearing pumpkin or avocado in his hair is a popular choice).
Sarah, I dont think I realized Davis didn't crawl until 10 months. I just remembered him sitting up at 8 months and it seemed like shortly after he was crawling. Thanks for the encouragement.
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